While I was but 9 years old or so my Mother took on a daily visitor by the name of Tina. She was at first shy and quiet as any 4 year old might be. Within a half an hour of arriving this child was decided to grab a bottle of perfume and start drinking it as if this were an everyday activity . Well, as the brood of kids we were, (here I mean the few cousins, and neighbor kids that were at the house that day), just thought that this meant she was crazy. As the jury of children, we pined to show how she was not part of our group. Our crass and confused comments landed abruptly on her to the point where they impacted Tina's spirit. She was quaking from all the change and challenges.
I have no idea how my Mom had come into the situation of taking care of this young girl. Had it been a reference from a friend or neighbor? The church often played a part in the local goings on of the neighborhood as a whole. Was it one of the many friends of my Grandmother? After all it was but a small town, and an even smaller circle of people in our sphere of contacts; all of which knew our family as a whole. Despite the connection our house was filled with her toddler livelihood. The excitement and newness of all things created energy that poured into our home that had known struggle and confusion in the recent years.
Initially she was almost a toy for me and a cousin of mine. We were years older and liked to have fun tricking her and playing games, more often than not at her expense. She was a trooper through and through. She hung tough through each and every maze of challenges she came upon. After all this was my Grandma's house and my Grandma had raised her own 6 kids, along with many of their kids, of which I fall into. People were coming and going more often than not. All of them were to interact with Tina to some extent. In the mean time she was fed, napped, loved, played with, and taught prior to that time everyday when her Dad would come to pick her up for the night. Six o'clock was the magic time.
She so loved her father that she would nearly explode in anticipation of his arrival. Daddy was her call out for him. And as one would imagine, he relished the unbridled love she heaped upon him. I could see that it simply melted his heart. The hard part for all of us was in knowing that he was taken with alcohol. Taken in a big way. He spent most of his time in the local tavern and when at home he drank until the night was out. The situation there was bleak to say the least. Tina's mother was suffering from a mental health issue and was quite old when she conceived the young bundle. But I think at least for me I always hoped with great sincerity that one day things would be resolved and the family would be united happily. To my knowledge this never happened.
As the many days accumulated we all became part of a bigger family. I did end up sticking up for Tina to my older cousins and friends. Underneath the tough facade there lay a beautiful little girl who was smart, mentally agile, and loving at heart. Yet through the years that we shared together, Tina had a nervous habit of rocking back and forth with stiff legs, which made it seem all the more apparent, this mostly happened when she was overwhelmed with the environment or knew that something was askew with her mother and/ or father. She had no idea that she did this rocking during the time when it happened.
I would like to think back and confine the parents' physically inappropriate behavior at their home as only in the early years, but it just wasn't so. After all Tina was with us for a matter of years and their behavior continually kept them from getting her back to their home. It is important to wrap your mind around the severity of the dysfunction in their family. The mom was often delusional for periods of time, on top of which she would often get cough in a cycle of drinking heavily and naturally propagate many strange situations. Her father was a heavy drinker. Daily and oft to excess.
In fact I remember one particular day when there was no one at our house but Me, my Mom, and Tina. The phone rang and it was the father. At this time we had full custody of Tina for both the days and nights. He wanted to come and pick up his little girl. Well my Mom knew immediately that he was sopping drunk and I remember her doing her best to calm him down and talk him out of coming to our house. It was of no use, he was on his way, remember this was a very small town. He was but a few minutes away by car, at the local bar. Within minutes my mom had called the family across the street and nearby neighbors but no one was at home.
In those days we had but one phone and it was down stairs and in the middle of the house, visible from all the outside doors. After a few minutes of trying to reach someone, my mom and I saw the lights coming up the street, it was his car. We turned off the lights we could without being obvious and scampered up the stairs to the second floor with Tina in our arms. We huddled together on the floor upstairs praying that Tina would be quiet. When the old man got to the door and pounded a couple of times, he got mouthy, yelling things like 'I know you are in there', 'let me have my daughter', 'I have a gun and don't make me use it'. This is but some of what I remember. We were scared witless.
Mom held Tina close and kept whispering in her ear to be quiet, and the poor baby was wanting so badly to go to her Dad, to yell out. But I think that deep down even she knew that the state he was in was not a safe one. I had heard that she had hidden herself in her house for safety reasons when they all lived together, afraid to come out for hours. Make it through the 10 to 15 minutes of his rant we did. Shaking and desperate for alternative measures we might take, we had made it through. I can still remember the moment his car started and he drove away. Relieved and yet wondering what next, we moved on from there and eventually back into a near normal pattern of the mundane activities of daily life.
But all this to show the point of just what this little one had been put up against. As time went on I did come to understand so much more of what lay behind many of Tina's Tics. All to the point of wonderment in seeing first hand how resilient that she had become; to regularly deal with the grown-up size trials that confronted her. Years later my Mom and I would go on to move across the country. When we did it came to pass that Tina was adopted by a great family that loved on her profusely.
In the long run I would remember the time spent with her as such a blessing for me. Although I have carefully thought of the true impact upon her, this tried soul, I have always hoped that in some small way that this little package of both challenge and wonder would find a place of peace, acceptance, and belonging.
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